University

Writing my presidential campaign speech is way harder than I thought it would be, mainly because I wander so far off topic all the time.  I started reflecting on some of the challenges and rewards I faced this past year. Should you be in the mood for a sappy "I love university" story continue reading, if not I won't be offended you turned away ;)

The first thing I can remember about university is driving in the parking lot, beyond excited to leave my parents and everything else behind and start a new chapter of my life. I remember the crazy wild people in red jerseys storming my car, so eager to help me get settled into what was to become my new home.  University students typically fit into one of two categories- the scared first year that is afraid to leave home and everything they once knew, or the student who can’t wait to get away, counting down the days until they leave and pushing their parents out the door. I definitely fell in the last category.  I could not wait to leave home, and when I pulled in the parking lot and saw all those wild people so happy and enthusiastic I knew I had made the right decision in choosing Tibbits.  This year has been wild. I have met so many amazing, crazy people that I couldn’t imagine my day without. It is funny how bonds between people can form in such a short time, and how you gradually grow more and more comfortable as the time goes on. My Tibbits family has, and will always, have my back. I have had so many good memories in here, from frosh week, to relay for life, to being elected charity rep. I have taken so many chances while in university this year, from being brave enough to get my first tattoo, to running for charity rep, stepping so far outside my comfort zone and going for things. I haven’t crashed and burned too hard yet, so it must have paid off ;)

It hasn't all been warm and fuzzy times though. There are a few tender spots in my university experience ( not including the tattoo which still isn't 100% healed, after three months). I applied for a proctorship and didn't get one, didn't even get alternate proctor. That one stung a little bit, and is still a fairly raw wound. There were a lot of situations where I ended up 100% alone until I got to know people, like in class the first few weeks, going to curling the first time, but then I realized we were all, more or less, in a similar boat and people as a rule generally aren't going to cause you harm if you ask them a question, or start a conversation. 

As I mentioned earlier I am running for president right now. I don't know what part of me is allowing this, but it is a huge risk. So soon after not getting a proctor position, I really don't know how I would react if I lost again. It's not something I am used to. That sounds like I'm being superior, but I'm not used to losing because I don't usually put myself out there enough to lose. Until a few months ago I was afraid to step outside my turtle shell fully, but now I'm there, and I've got myself into a situation that I can't back down from.I pray it all turns out alright, and that whatever happens I will be strong enough to accept it.

Until next time, 

Britt

 

Playing the Waiting Game

Proctor interviews were about a week ago. Well, two days short of  week. For the past three weeks it has been all I could think about. Hopefully I'll hear from them soon. It might be almost time to start my presidential campaigning.

I have started a new job with the Memorial Hall, putting up posters. It's kind of terrifying. It is money though, for walking downtown and taping up some pieces of paper, so it isn't that bad.

Maybe if the fire alarms stop going off and I start getting control of my sleeping and eating habits this whole energy thing might come back again, I need to pull my life together and start doing what needs to be done- like study for my bio midterm in 20 minutes

Until Next Time,
Britt

Fear of failing

Well, it’s over.  My interview is over. It wasn’t end of the world horrible. I don’t think it was good enough to get a proctorship, but I wish it was. I want a proctorship oh so bad. I mean I always knew I wanted one, but it wasn’t until I was there that I realized how bad I wanted it. That always happens, I get nervous and want to bow out right before, but then I force myself to go through with it and I realize how bad I really want something and how crushed I would be if I don’t get it. Every single time. Every time I spend hours, days, weeks trying to convince myself I don’t actually want something- because I am too scared. Too frightened that I will crash and burn in front of everybody. I am afraid of failure more than anything else. As time goes on I am starting to realize how much this is holding me back. I don’t really try to get more fit, because if I only half try failure isn’t really failure. I don’t study for tests because if I don’t study I expect to fail. Failure isn’t so bad when it’s expected. When you want to succeed and try to set yourself up for success it’s a little harder to swallow.

Going back to the interview for a moment, it’s going to be a rough week. I have no idea how it went, like I said I don’t think I will be getting an offer, but at the same time I really have no idea. I really want one, and I know that it will be one of the only things on my mind until I find out next weekend who is and who isn’t accepted.

Until next time,

Britt

Interview

Remember the other day when  posted about stepping outside my comfort zone? While I am about to blow that comfort zone out of the water. My interview for resident proctor is tomorrow. I am terrified. I honestly have no idea what to expect.

I'm kind of in that uncertain mode again. I don't know how things are going to change pending the results of this interview. If I get a proctorship ( which I desire more than anything) I'll be moving to a new house. If I don't I then have to decide what to do next year, run for pres or vp, stay in tibbits or move out. Apply for HOC or not. So torn.

Anyways tomorrow is sure to bring lots of excitement, then an entire grueling week full of not sleeping, stressing over midterms, wondering about the results of my interview, pro and con listing everything in my entire life and yeah. Should be fun.

Until next time,
Britt

Broomball and Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

Today was so great! I am actually on such a high right now it's unbelievable! It all started this morning when I decided I was going to have a good day and maybe push the boundaries of my comfort zone a little more.

At breakfast this morning I had three options...sit by myself, sit with people from the house that I didn't really know and eat in awkward silence, or sit with people from the house I didn't really know and join in the conversation. Surprisingly I chose the latter (did I mention I was in a really good mood this morning?) and it wasn't that bad.

After breakfast I had my first class, and then the second class was cancelled, so I went to the gym and was finally feeling well enough to actually push it on the bike for the first time in a while. No pain (physically, there was still some mental struggles) felt really good.  I missed that feeling of working hard and being proud of what you managed to do in the end. Tomorrow I am going to have a little more time so I can push even harder, and continue getting stronger and stronger. I am actually beginning to like the suffering for a purpose again... I had forgotten how great it feels to accomplish things. I was so pumped after the gym today.

In the afternoon my bio lab was finished early, so I actually got to eat supper which was nice. Then curling, which was also a great time, despite the fact I nearly lost a finger on the way home... really got to remember to check and make sure I have 2 mittens next time, not just one.

After curling I had broomball. This was honestly the highlight of my day. I was kind of wary going into it, just because it was a sport, played on ice, in sneakers, with a stick, sound like a recipe for disaster yet? Add to that people who are also running on ice with sneakers and sticks and it sounds horrible. I was so wrong about this, it was great because everyone sucks. Nobody was really great at it. So much fun! I actually want to play it all the time now.

Today was great, not because I stayed within my comfort level, but because I did the exact opposite. I joined in a conversation at breakfast, I pushed myself at the gym, I tried a new sport and made a complete idiot of myself, but so did everybody else. Sometimes it just takes a little fear and uncomfortableness to make you happy :)

Until next time,
Britt

I can't do this

If you're looking for another optimistic "you can do this" blog post, look elsewhere. This is going to be my one and only rant about how I can't do something. Never again will you hear me say "I can't" but for right now you're either going to have to go with it, or stop reading- your choice.

I am so jumpy almost right now it's crazy. i have so much freaking school work to do and can't even focus. I have a giant lab due tomorrow, I have barely started it. I have assignments and mid terms due all next week. Just survived Tibbits week... barely. Now I have to plan our charity event. On top of that, I have done subpar thus far in the semester and will not have  a scholarship for next year. I am way too focused on making friends and way too worried about what people think of me. I have a disgusting bedroom that needs to be cleaned in a bad way. I am eating horrible food and not working out nearly enough. I have not yet applied for a summer job. God is no longer the priority he once was in my life. I have taken the easy way out way too many times. I just got an angry email from my mother telling me to ditch the beer in a picture and to not have people in my room while I am skyping her. I waste way to much time doing absolutely nothing. I can't handle thinking about the future because I can't make it through a day. I am beyond scared for what is coming and don't want to make any decisions-EVER! I know what I want to do, just don't know how to get there, I know what everybody else wants me to do, the only thing is I don't know what I should do.

Okay, enough poor me stories. I am going to finish this lab by 11:30, then plan my week then go to bed! Let's hope that actually works :/

-sorry for the negitivity,
Britt