Well, it’s over. My
interview is over. It wasn’t end of the world horrible. I don’t think it was
good enough to get a proctorship, but I wish it was. I want a proctorship oh so
bad. I mean I always knew I wanted one, but it wasn’t until I was there that I
realized how bad I wanted it. That always happens, I get nervous and want to
bow out right before, but then I force myself to go through with it and I
realize how bad I really want something and how crushed I would be if I don’t get
it. Every single time. Every time I spend hours, days, weeks trying to convince
myself I don’t actually want something- because I am too scared. Too frightened
that I will crash and burn in front of everybody. I am afraid of failure more
than anything else. As time goes on I am starting to realize how much this is
holding me back. I don’t really try to get more fit, because if I only half try
failure isn’t really failure. I don’t study for tests because if I don’t study
I expect to fail. Failure isn’t so bad when it’s expected. When you want to
succeed and try to set yourself up for success it’s a little harder to swallow.
Going back to the interview for a moment, it’s going to be a
rough week. I have no idea how it went, like I said I don’t think I will be
getting an offer, but at the same time I really have no idea. I really want
one, and I know that it will be one of the only things on my mind until I find
out next weekend who is and who isn’t accepted.
Until next time,
Britt
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