Tonight

I am so close to being finished but still so very far away. There is only one exam standing between me and Christmas break, but that one exam requires a ton of studying I really don't have any motivation to do. I know some strenuous physical activity is what I really need right now, but I can't because of this tattoo! I really hope it heals soon to the point where I can wear shoes so  I can go for a run or something, because I am actually so disgusting right now. Alls I've done over the past few days was eat like shit and sleep in and pretend to study. Pretty sure I failed math yesterday, and even if I didn't there is no way I got the c needed to pass. It's kind of a lonely night, my roommate is gone and everybody who is left in the house is studying. I just want to cuddle my dog. I know as soon as I get home I'm going to want to come back, but that's beside the point right now. For the first time I really want to go home. Even though I'm not really sure where home is anymore. New Brunswick is definitely starting to feel more and more like home.

New tattoo!

I finally did it. After months of going back and forth on what design I wanted, where I wanted it and everything else, I finally went for it. Funny thing is, as impatient as I was to get it, trying multiple times through the summer,I am so glad I waited. After thinking about what I wanted for a while and thinking I knew what I wanted and where I wanted it, but not really feeling any attachment to it, it hit me, one day as I was browsing instagram I found it. The tattoo that was meant to be, I knew I had to have it. It is actually perfect.The way everything laid itself out after that was crazy. I ended up being able to book an appointment for three days later, only to have that appointment be changed to another artist last minute (which terrified me because I had seen other buddys work and was comfortable with it, but had no idea what this guy could do) and he ended being super cool and doing a solid job! I am so pleased with how it turned out!

This tattoo represents a lot of things for me. First it is for my Grandfather, and my mother, and my other grandfather and all those who are fighting cancer right now. They all survived and serve as a reminder to livestrong every moment. I also got this tattoo to remind me to do just that. To livestrong, to not take anything forgranted. To work hard for the things I want, and to play even harder when I achieve them! Life is way too short to not do the things we want for ourselves, so take the time for you, and indulge. That's why I got this tattoo to remind me of all these things, and so that when times are tough all I have to do is look down and find the strength to keep going (that and the fact I may have had a slight Lance Armstrong obsession and this seems like a great way to honor him and all the good he has done despite recent allegations.)

Sports

In case you haven't noticed yet, I love sports. I am a firm believer in the power of sport and what it can do for people. It can boost self-esteem, it can make people feel like they belong. I still have no idea what it is I am meant to do in this life, so far I have just been taking the opportunities as they come and hoping they will eventually all line up. Big hopes eh?

Sorry that first part is a little scatterbrained and quite possibly hard to follow unless your brain works as mine does, I'm not even going to try to explain it to y'all. Anyways, getting back to the first part, I was watching some Special Olympics videos today and I was once again reminded of how great sport is! I have seen first hand how sport can empower the oppressed. I have volunteered once again (sometimes I wonder what I get myself into) with ParaSport NB. This is setting up to be an interesting opportunity with lots of enthusiasm on both sides. Should be interesting to see how it pans out.

Anyway that's just my scatterbrained musings for today.
Until later,
Britt

Curling Musings

I love curling. it is something I would do all day every day. in the run of a typical week I on the ice five hours playing, four hours coaching, plus whatever extra time I decide to practice on top of that. But why? I'm not on a competitive team. i don't believe it is doing any wonders for my overall fitness. I don't particularly enjoy the bike ride there or back, nor do I enjoy the cold that last long after I am inside.

That also made me wonder why we play other sports in our leisure/recreation time. What is it about an activity that makes us want to fill every living moment of our lives with it? Why do we punish our bodies to become that "weekend warrior" or "person who could have made it big?"It just doesn't make sense when you stop and think about it, there is no competition, nothing to look forward to, just an opportunity to participate in an activity that we find enjoyable.

I guess it varies for every person, but the conclusion I have came to was we do something because we enjoy it, be that a nature or nurture effect is a whole new debate. I also think we do some things because we want to be better. I know my personal records and new challenges are what keep me going.

Anyway, just thought I would enlighten you all as to the thought processes that run through my mind while standing there waiting to sweep/throw :)

-Britt

Charity Rep

I won.

Those two simple words mean an unbelievable amount to me. I have been in this situation so many times now and it never fails to amaze me the opportunities that I am granted. This was possibly one of the most unique chances. As I may have mentioned before I hate elections, but the way everything worked out today was incredible. I am forever grateful for everything. It is amazing how things seem to work out in the end. I mean, even as I was stressing out in the final hour Hana was there for me to calm me down. All because she was home from work. That never happens, I mean Hana and I have tried to plan a phone date for the past month and it hasn't worked out, but tonight when I text her she is there, sitting at home with nothing to do but entertain me with her life.

Looking onto the future, this is only a step of the bigger and better things to come. I have no idea where my life is going to take me, but I know that as long as I keep putting my faith in God I am going to keep going. He has my life paved out, and I need to continue to put my trust in Him and everything will work out fine!

Until next time,
Britt

House Elections, exams and more

This has been one crazy wild week. I have my final exam for human anatomy coming up, which may make or break my necessary 3.7 gpa so I really need to start studying for that. As well I have my final kin paper due soon, but at least I have a nice rough draft of that finished, and a whole week early. That being said it really is a rough draft and I would most definitely not receive near full marks with what I have finished, but my prof s reading it over now, so hopefully he will have some suggestions on how to fix it. I also just finished a bio presentation yesterday, don't think I did a very good job, and was most likely way too short, but hey, at least it's over! I am also curling upwards of six or seven hours a week and coaching for five or six on top of that. It is a blast though, I love my Special Olympians and my little rocks crews. Highlights of my week.

To top everything off, as if I didn't have enough I should be doing this week, I have been procrastinating to the finest. We are having house elections again and yours truly is running for charity rep. This means I need to campaign, make posters, and write a speech. Great reasons to not do any homework eh? Too bad my profs won't buy it when I fail my final anatomy test or pass in a subpar paper.

This election has been crazy stressful as well. I was back and forth on whether I wanted to run, not because I didn't want to be charity rep, but because I hate the election process in general. I would much rather submit an application for something instead of this whole campaign process and voting.I hate the feeling of being judged everytime you talk to someone because you are running for a position. I am also dreading my speech tomorrow night, not because I don't like public speaking, I actually don't mind it at all, but more so because I hate talking about myself in front of a crowd of people I know and know they are all listening to see if I will make a solid candidate or not. Constant judgement and I do not get along.

When I started running I was going with the mindset that I would love to be charity rep, but wouldn't be too torn up if I lost. Now that I'm into it more I really want to win. Like really bad. Don't get me wrong, I love my competitor and know she would make a worthy charity rep, but I want this more than I want most things. I would honestly be so pumped if I did win.

Anyway this post is already much longer than planned, so I am going to actually play attention for the last few moments of class now.

Later
-Britt

Hailey's Dream

I was sitting in class today waiting for the prof to get there when my phone vibrated from a facebook post in the UNB Ultimate Frisbee Group. As I do with most facebook notifications I ignored it, and waited until I got on my computer to check to see what it was about. Turns out it was a dodgeball tournament raising money for "Hailey's Dream." I clicked on it more out of sheer desire to not do schoolwork more than anything. I wasn't even all that interested in it. Fundraisers happen all the time, especially living on campus with every house raising money for some charity or other.

I have never felt more emotion towards a family I don't even know. I was reading Hailey's story and tears were pouring down my face. She seems like such a wonderful child. Hailey was diagnosed with MLD (juvenile metachromatic leukodystrophy) a ridiculously rare condition that attacks the white matter of her brain and will leave her paralyzed, blind, cause dementia and seizures and kill this child within the next 3 to 5 years. Hailey may never live to be as old as my younger brother is right now. As if a situation like this could get any worse, there is  a 1/4 chance her 3-year old brother could have this condition too.

What hit me the most was the list this precious child and her mother came up with. There are the more typical and extravagant things on there, like Go To Disney World, or Visit Hawaii, or Get a Puppy, but then there are the ones that would only come from the mouth of a child, like drive a car at the camp with Grampy, or go to a dressy event and dance with Daddy. Precious pure moments that most of us take for granted.

When I found this story, it reminded me of so many things. Life is not permanent. As quick as it was given to us, it can be taken away just as easily. Also there are people put on this earth to teach us in so many ways. This young girl and her family are a shining example of how to take the worst of a bad situation.

The final thing for me was this story reminded me why I am in school. I am here to become a doctor. I am here to help create a better future for children like Hailey, through research, or through support in any way I can. That is why I need to study anatomy and biology and math and everything else when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep for years and years. I NEED to get into med school because I honestly can't imagine doing anything else with my life.

Until next time,
Britt

P.s. anybody who wants to find out more about Hailey can check out her website (haileysdreams.org) or search Hailey's Dreams on facebook.

Exodus 1-15

After losing my phone and not knowing what to do with myself, I remembered youversion thankfully syncs everything online, so at least I can continue my 90 day reading plan (small victories deserve to be celebrated too!). I am sadly one day behind, so I get to play catch up but it's not that bad, as I have already read this section.

I am reading Exodus 1-15 for today, and it really brings into question why the Lord did some of the things he did! He asks Moses to continuously pester the Pharaoh, all the while he is hardening Pharaohs heart. Moses, through the Lord, brings tragedy in various forms to the people. There are even times when Pharaoh asks Moses to pray for relief, which he does, but then the Lord once again hardens his heart. Why? Is it just a power show? Does God have an ego just like the rest of us? Or is there some other method? Maybe the purpose is for us to see what He is capable of so that we will fear him. His reasons aren't always easily understood, but I am certain there is a purpose for these horrible actions.

A letter to my body

Hey there body,

I have some news for you. So far we've had a fairly decent relationship, although I occasionally ruined that with the less than healthy foods you were fed, but for the most part I let you decide how things were going to happen, when to sleep, when to work, when to play sports and so on. But I have news for you. You are no longer in charge, I am. From now on, I say what gets put inside you, when you eat, when you sleep, when you workout, when you study. You will listen. At first you might not like it, the early mornings, the lack of sweet and indulgent foods, but soon you will realize this is the way you are meant to function. You will be happier with me in charge.

I hope you enjoyed the last eighteen years, because it ends NOW!
Sincerely,
Me

Musings on Friday nights

It's Friday night in res (well i guess technically it's Saturday morning because it's past 12, but you get the idea). Tonight I picked up garbage with Kin Soc, went to a potluck, did laundry, went to the gym, showered and planned my workout schedule. Tonight most other people got drunk, listened to loud music and went out. Why am I so cool you ask? Well first of all, I'm not a big fan of drinking. Not that I really have a problem with others consuming alcohol, but I really don't see the point in spending money on something that will make you do dumb things you forget in the morning. It also doesn't exactly go with the whole Christian lifestyle thing, or so I am told.

That's actually something that has bothered me for a while now. Nowhere that I have found in the bible does it condone drinking, I mean even in church we drink wine to represent the blood of Christ. So why are some churches so against it? I am falling asleep as I write this now, so I think it's time for bed/ my third day of bible reading.

Until next time,
Britt

Bible in 90 days- Day 1

So I started this bible in 90 days reading plan and today in the first 16 chapters of Genesis. This is what our faith is founded on. The last verse of chapter 2 talks about how Adam and his wife (she does not yet have a name) are both naked, yet feel no shame. This shows that they are living in a "perfect world" A world with no sin, imagine?

It is in the next chapter that Eve is tempted by the serpent. He tells her she will be like God, she will see the difference between good and evil, never before did I realize how true this is. The serpent may represent the devil, but he certainly did not lie to her. It is after this that they realize they are naked and begin to feel ashamed. I wonder how differently the world would be today had this event not occurred.

Around the end of chapter 3 is also when we see the wrath of God. He curses Adam and Eve for their disobedience.

The fourth chapter introduces us to the birth of Cain and Abel. When Cain is distraught his offering was not looked upon favorably he murders his brother, what seems to be the first vengeful act. Eve also has a son named Seth, and Cain has many offspring.  

In the introduction of the fifth chapter it reinstates the fact that when God created us, He created us in his likeness. We are to be like Him. Noah's father, when he was born stated "He will comfort us in the labor and painful toil of our hands caused by the ground the Lord has cursed."- a prophesy of what is to come.

In the 6th chapter God wants to wipe all humans from the earth, but Noah found favour. I couldn't imagine what would happen to the earth if humans weren't around to mess it up. Would animals evolve? Would climate change still occur? Also, the faith of Noah is admirable. He had to put his complete trust in God, he built an ark at an old age and trusted that God would take care of him and his family.

Is it a coincidence that the number seven occurs several times in the seventh chapter? i know it occurs in a lot of other circumstances too, like on the seventh day he rested, and Revelations is full of the number seven. Seven appears to mean the end, or completion of an event. Also, as kind of a side note, the patience of Noah must have been incredible, to sit on an ark as long as he did with all those animals, at 600 years of age is quite the feat.

It is at the end of the eighth chapter that God promises to never again punish all of mankind, despite the fact we are bred with evil right from birth. He promises, as long as the earth endures, that day and night will never cease.

The covenant of the rainbow is mentioned in chapter 9. It is an everlasting promise to never again destroy life with a flood. Noah drinks wine and passes out? But isn't drinking bad? When we see the clans of Noah's sons in Chapter 10, it is clear that the land truly is ours, and that we are free to spread out.

Up until this point the world has one language, one dialect. The people plan to build a tower to reach the heavens. When God sees this he realizes that through common speech we can accomplish anything, so he confuses the language and scatters the people. Why would he do this? If nothing is impossible, that would be a pretty fulfilling and easy life. Imagine how much we could accomplish if nothing was impossible, how fewer challenges we would have if we all spoke the same language and were able to understand each other and were willing/able to cooperate. There would be so much less challenge, is that why God choose to do this? To challenge us?

Abraham is introduced in chapter 12. He is another man who has great faith in God. He left his people  and home behind, taking only his wife and his nephew and a few possessions  He enters Egypt during a time of great famine, and tells his wife to pretend she is his sister for the sake of their lives. When God punishes the Pharaohs household for being with Abraham's wife, they are sent on their way.  Throughout the next few chapters Abraham continues to serve God, parting ways with Lot, building alters to honor Him, rescuing Lot and defeating Kedorlaomer.

In  chapter 15, God tells Abraham "do not be afraid, I am your shield, your very great reward." He is our shield, he will protect us, that's something to take comfort in. Abraham is also promised decedents in this chapter. Finally comes Chapter 16- the last for tonight, which is probably a good thing seeing as it is almost two and I will have to wake up early tomorrow to revise my paper and study anatomy and sports psych. Hopefully this and the other work i did tonight actually makes sense in the morning.

The final chapter for tonight tell of Abraham and his slave with whom he conceived a child. It tells of her misery with her mistress, Sarai. This kind of makes the slave an unsung hero in the bible. She put up with the suffering doled out by Sarai to produce offspring, and for this the Lord has heard her cries.

Well that's it. Time for bed, I think most of the caffeine has worn off by now.

Until tomorrow,
Britt

October 3, 2012

Hola

As usual, I have a ton of things to get accomplished, but instead I take the time to write a good ole blog post.  So far today (it's only 12:00) I have slept past my alarm, didn't go for a run, went to the library, went to bio and now I am sitting in the library once again, not going to math, doing some kin homework that is due in about 20 minutes. I don't know why I am so freaking unorganized lately.

Anyway the entire purpose of this blog post was to write a to-do list in the hopes that posting it online where anybody could read it will actually make me accomplish something.

To Do before Friday

• clean bedroom
• study anatomy
• finish webworks assignment
• write sports psych self test
• write bio self test
• learn bio
• write bio notes from textbook
• make a to do list for when I am home
• make a list of things I need to bring back
• start looking for kin article
• put my bike somewhere else
• pack things that need to be taken home

Alright, now to go to class, then start accomplishing these wonderful things.

Until later, 

Britt

October 2, 2012

Hey once again,

I don't really know why i am doing this blog thing, I think I had a purpose for starting it, but now I really can't remember why, maybe it was to stop the amount of things that were running through my head... If I told anybody my purpose in this please let me know. Regardless I kind of enjoy blogging, even if there aren't that many people reading it.

Today was pretty average once again, noticing a theme, sorry to those of you who stumbled on this expecting something big and exciting.It started off with a shocking wake up at 6:00 this morning from my alarm (which sounds like a rooster which I am terrified of) going off under my bed, then I went for a pretty good spin class. My leg has been weird lately though, it's almost as if the muscle is lacking circulation, and my knee feels weird about 48% of the day. Nothing major yet though from what I can tell so we shall wait it out.When I came out of the gym it was absolutely beautiful! The sun was rising and reflecting a beautiful pink colour off the buildings and it was amazing, my favorite thing about the morning. Fredericton is pretty beautiful all the time though, I am often stopping as I walk out of class to admire the sharp crisp lines and colours of the city.

Anyway, getting back to the exciting things I did today, I went to math, got a 20/20 on my last assignment!!! Wrote a test, kind of knew what I was doing, went to Sports Psych, sat in class and scribbled notes as the TA read from Scottys notes, left about an hour early, went and did my prelab, went to anatomy, didn't understand one sweet word the prof said, went to lunch, studied anatomy, went to my bio lab, started our end of the year project on savants, came back, ate supper by myself for the first time,came back and started studying, accompanied by frequent study breaks (most likely more breaking than studying). I have a flag football game in about an hour to look forward to, so it's going to be hard work up until then.

Until tomorrow,
Britt

October 1, 2012

Hey there,

It's been a few days since my last post, things have been kind of busy. I didn't really do much this weekend, went to the movies and watched Finding Nemo in 3d, went to pushing carts and the football game in the rain on Saturday, and studied ever since then. I have a human anatomy midterm on Thursday that I am going to struggle with. I need to pull up my socks a little bit and start getting more on top of things, and stop being distracted!

Speaking of distractions I was chatting with a friend from camp today and I was reminded of how freaking much I miss and love a guy from the summer. This guy is possibly one of the most amazing people I know. He has a wonderful smile, and eyes that anybody could drown in. He is super nice and friendly and a little wild, but in an amazing way. He can pull me back to earth, and humble me like none other. He gives the best hugs in the entire world and could always make me feel better, no matter how upset I got. I actually felt sad when he was upset, and it hurt so much to leave him at the end of the summer. This summer was really weird too. It started off fine, we worked together last year so we just kind of went back to being good friends, but then we would have crazy adventures together, like getting lost in the woods and exploring for a while on canoe, and playing in the rain on a slip and slide, beach trips in the dark, even riding in the car with the music blasting and him singing along (did I mention he has a wonderful singing voice?). Things were definitely different than they were last summer though. Maybe it was because last year I was kind of lost and he helped me find my way or maybe it was entirely me overreacting and things were exactly the same as last year. Both are huge possibilities.

This is actually all I have been able to think about ever since I started talking to my friend earlier today. Last week I was in a huge group of people and we called him to help solve an argument and I almost started crying right there because I missed this boy so very much. So far tonight has been more or less the same, sitting at my desk trying to study for my anatomy midterm and he keeps popping into my head, memories of the good times we had together, regrets on how I was too scared to talk to him and tell him how I feel. That is actually one of my biggest regrets right now. I wanted to so many time, but kept putting it off, not wanting to make things awkward, or not wanting to stress him out, or being worried about a friend who he may or may not have liked, but really just being too scared of rejection to tell him.

I am not usually someone who feels emotions at all. I haven't had a wonderful childhood (it hasn't been awful either) so I learned through the years that sometimes it is better to not let people get too close because then it won't hurt you as much when they don't return your phone calls, or get new friends. I have had a barrier up ever since I was younger and have ran away from my emotions for a long time now and then he broke all that down, when very few before him have managed to do so.

I hate that I am still thinking about him in this way, when he clearly doesn't think about me at all, never initiating contact, and taking forever to reply to a message if at all, he is always the one to end the short conversation we have. Maybe it's a guy thing, maybe he's just being dumb, maybe he is still as blind as he was this summer when he had no sweet clue how much it affected me just to see him and how I melted everytime he smiled, or laughed, or sang.

I am going to see him in a few weeks at a youth retreat at the camp we worked at this summer, and I don't know whether I should talk to him there, and risk ruining everything, but he doesn't plan on going back to camp so when will I ever see him again anyway? Nothing ventured nothing gained right? This is something that isn't an easy decision and I know I will never be able to communicate anything in person, but I think I am going to write a letter.Sorry to anyone out there who actually took the time to read this entire thing, I realize how crazy unorganized it all is, but it really helped me sort out what in the world I should do.


Until tomorrow,
Britt

September 29, 2012

Last night we had our house meeting, then I watched Glee for a while, it was pretty good. Kind of predictable like always, but on whole not too bad. When I went to bed last night I was just overcome by feelings of how this is where I am meant to be. So many times in the past four or five months I questioned whether I should have gone to another school, or whether I should have enrolled in another program, but honestly I couldn't imagine being anywhere else/ doing anything else. 

Today was pretty average again, slept in past my alarm, still made it to breakfast in lots of time, went to class, tried to find a job, ate lunch, helped a friend with her lab, watched grey's from last night( not quite what I expected, kind of disappointed in it), had a nice 45 minute nap, ate supper, decorated some carts for tomorrow, then went to see Finding Nemo 3D with some friends. It was a pretty fun night, good to get off campus and chill for a little while. 

That's about it for today, super excited for tomorrow though, pushing carts to warm hearts, the homecoming football game, tons of homework and studying, and think pink. Should be a good time :)

Until tomorrow, 

Britt

september 27, 2012

Today was not too overly exciting. Played soccer until 12 last night, didn't fall asleep until 2:30 or 3:00 so needless to say I did not wake up in time for my spin class today. I am wiped right now from lack of sleep, and it's only 8:40. I have a house meeting at 9:00 then it's probably off to bed. I didn't really do a whole lot today, woke up, ate, went to sports psych, loved every minute of it. I honestly am considering a career in that field to some extent, maybe a minor in psych is in the future. Then had anatomy, what a great time that was, not being able to stay awake and the professor not speaking English very well. He seems super smart, but not a word he says makes sense.  At least we had a tutorial today, in the lab, with some ta's and another prof who actually is able to hold my attention for more than 2 seconds. Good times. I actually learned a fair amount today. After class it was food, helped a friend with her lab, tried to clean my room but was interrupted several times by a very bored Quang Vu, finished my math assignment, started my bio assignment, starbucks (biggest waste of $3 ever I had a caramel mocha and it was way too sweet), and now this blog post. I have a house meeting in about ten minutes, should be a good time. There are a ton of events coming up, pushing carts, intermurals, about 50 different things in other houses this weekend and so on.

Until tomorrow, '
Britt